Author : smatkinsjoe
Pairing: Smatkins (Sean Smith/Ian Watkins)
Rating: Going to be safe & say NC-17
POV: 1st person, alternates between Sean & Ian each part.
Summary: When Sean meets Ian, he knows there is something more than meets the eye.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sean Smith or Ian Watkins, as much as I'd like to. & this probably didn't happen.
Beta : Nobody for this one
Warnings: Sex in some parts.
"Perhaps it's because I'm a crap parent." I said finally. This meeting was unlike any other meeting I'd had before. Sean had gone straight to the point and hadn't bothered to ask me any nonsense. He'd asked me what nobody else had asked - my opinion on Rhys's upbringing.
"You mustn't put yourself down like that!" Sean said, sounding a little bit surprised. "There's something else, isn't there? You've got to have a reason for why you're suffering from this terrible low self esteem!"
I looked into his reassuring eyes and he just seemed like the sort of person I could really trust. The sort of person I could tell anything to.
"Sean, do you really want to know the full story?" I sighed. "Because if I tell you the reason behind everything, I want to know I'll be telling you in confidence. The only person that knows most of this is my ex-girlfriend, and even she doesn't know all of it."
"Ian, I want you to know you can tell me anything, but if Rhys is under any danger at home then I'll have to inform somebody."
I nodded and stared at Sean's lips for a split second before beginning.
"The school I went to was pretty rough, especially the sixth form. Back then, I really cared about how I looked; I spent ages getting ready in the morning and I never ever left my house looking even half-way scruffy. But because my class was so rough, I probably would have got beaten up if they'd know I was...well...gay."
Sean's mouth opened ever so slightly, but he said nothing.
"A few of my mates suspected the truth, so I hooked up with this girl - Gina - as a cover up. All I'd intended her to be was a lie about my sexuality, she didn't even know I was gay. I didn't plan on going in too deep with her at all."
Sean seemed intrigued by my story, I reckoned he was probably wondering what relevance this had to my crap parenting.
"But one night, after my last exam, I got completely pissed with her, and we ended up going back to her place and getting a little bit...y'know...frisky. The next morning, after realising what I'd done, I finished the relationship and began seeing this guy called Gavin."
"Butler?" Sean asked, and I nodded.
"Twelve months later, Gina was on my doorstep with a kid, swearing blindly it was mine. And she just left Rhys on the doorstep for me with nothing. And that was then the changes began. I was pretty much stuck inside the house, and I became so run down and exhausted that Gavin had had enough of me, and he left me. And after the break-up with Gav, I guess things just sort of escalated."
I unfolded my arms and placed my hands on my knees.
"After Gavin left I stopped bothering about my looks. What was the point in making myself look nice for nobody? Who would be interested in me, an exhausted, lousy single parent? I started to hate life, and things began to pile on top of each other and push me further down."
"Shit, what a life you've had..." Sean murmured. "My bad days don't even seem bad any more. But how is your relationship with Rhys?"
"We've not even bonded." I stated. "There are days when I look at him and wonder if he's mine at all, because it doesn't feel that way at all."
"Why didn't you put him up for adoption?" Sean blurted, and then covered his mouth, thinking he'd said completely the wrong thing.
"I kept kidding myself Gina would come and take him back...but she never did. And now it's too late to do anything."
"It still isn't too late." Sean murmured, looking intently at me. "But I know what you need to do. You need to have a DNA test to see if that kid really is yours. Tell you what, I'll drive you down to the clinic if you want and you can get this all sorted once and for all."
"Would you?" I gasped, and Sean's eyes were reassuring. "I mean, why would you do that for me?"
"Sure I'll do it for you! Can't have a nice guy like yourself feeling so sorry for himself!" Sean grinned, and he glanced at his watch. "If we go now we'll be able to get an appointment today! Let's go get Rhys and we'll do it now."